Historically, I have a low patience threshold. Post-Liam, my patience has increased ten-fold. I also have learned to deal with my 'lack of' differently but the past two days I've really been put to the test.
The Insurgents are winning. These Teefies are wreaking havoc on our household on top of everything that needs to get done before we depart tomorrow until Sunday & then his birthday in just two weeks time & normal household Stuff.
Liam was up from 4-6am this morning & I woke him up when I went in to find Matias sleeping with him - I had to make sure he didn't need to get up since the alarm was going off at 6:30am.
Then at 9am we had a struggle going down for a nap & properly finishing his breakfast. Not in that order though...
He slept for less than an hour.
We had a bottle & went out to Target (got the cake plates - no FIRST birthday but really cute design). He got dozy in the car but didn't nod off, so I feed him a full lunch and attempted to put him down for a nap at 1 - a good 3 hours after he last woke up from his less than an hour nap. He yelled in my face a few times, and thrashed around attempting to find a comfortable spot. I put him in his crib and left. 20 minutes later he was now crying, without a chupie & had thrown his pillow outside the crib. Plus he had pooped. So, I changed him & got us all settled to Go To Sleep.
But during that time & especially this morning, my limits were being pushed. The yelling in my face is not pleasant but he's frustrated and in pain. Motrin does nothing for him - that I can tell. The tossing & turning doesn't achieve anything for him - he finally just collapses on his stomach and is out in 2 minutes when he finally LETS HIMSELF go to sleep. And yes, he IS tired the whole time. He throws his Chupie Overboard and thinks it's a fun game - because of course I retrieve it. IF I don't retrieve it, then he NEVER settles. I'm about done with the chupie cause I'm am done picking it up cause he thinks it's funny.
I get really frustrated with him during all of this. Not AT him just WITH him. I want to will him to just lie down & take a nap. I want to persuade him that he will feel so much better after he naps - for longer than an hour. I want him to stop throwing his chupie & just hand it to me (which he understands how to do) when he doesn't want it. I want him to stop telling in my face. But none of this is happening. And I want to scream. just scream. Not at him though. Just scream because of MY frustration. And normally, I would do just that.
What I'm trying to do & work through is when ever I feel like screaming or getting frustrated AT him and beyond WITH him, I'm trying to just simply hug him to me & smoother him with kisses. It makes me feel better (trust me - that could heal everything.) & I hope it makes him feel better and CALMER. Because there is only so much taking myself out of the situation that can occur, obviously. I have to be present - mentally & emotionally - and I feel like these past couple of days have had me tipping the balance on those fronts. And I know none of this is his fault - he's not doing this on purpose & I can repeat that to myself all I want but as the days pass it gets harder to gather the energy to keep that up.
I'm not trying to say I need or want a break - actually what I want is for this to PASS. Move along, Teefies! I want my little Fellow back & I know he wants that too. He's miserable & I feel like I cannot do anything for him but hug & kiss him.
And at some point, I have got to comprehend that I cannot make this "go away", we have to work through this together to get to the other side & me losing my patience (as thinly as it is spread to begin with...) is NOT going to help matters.
I'm trying. And the hugs & kisses I get in return do make it all worth while.
2 comments:
Just know you are not alone in this - we have all been there at one time or another. It is hard but this too shall pass!
I found some times walking away is the best thing for me. Usually it gave me that minute or two to collect myself so I was not reduced to sobbing uncontrollably like my son.
Another thing to note - my patience level is also historically low AND my patience level has NOT increased ten fold. I wish I could say that and not admit to being a short tempered gal - I am working on it but man that is hard to deal with esp. when said child hits, bites, yells in your face, kicks and generally just makes one feel, well, less patient!
In short (or long), I am right there with ya sista! Keep up the kisses and hugs and know there are other mommies (and daddies) who feel this way all the time. YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB!!!
It's like my mom said "you'll always get your Fellow back, he's in there..." and he is! His tooth broke through Tuesday afternoon & he caught up on all his sleep with a 3+ hour nap. And then was right back to his old Fellow self. Thankfully!
Post a Comment