Proof.

Proof my oldest son still needs a nap...

...he just fell asleep sitting up on the couch. At 6pm. Should be a fun night! I don't have the heart to wake him.

Must be doing something right!

While we were at the hotel this weekend, Liam had a juice box in the room & he came back out of the bathroom after being in there for a while with a puzzled look on his face.

He told me, in all seriousness, that he didn't know what to do with his empty juice box because he couldn't find the recycling bin.

Confessional

I've found myself in a bit of funk lately. Not wanting to venture out, not wanting to argue with Liam about eating his breakfast, timing Owen's naps or just generally rushing about to go out in the heat. And there's been a lot of heat. This leads to a lot of days indoors, sometimes fun days, sometimes just plain old don't get out of your pajama days. Which, I confess, I don't mind that much. And neither does Liam; he's always loved his pajamas & staying in them.

I feel like I'm stuck in a Groundhog Day loop. The waking up routine of feeding the cats, making coffee, getting milk for Liam, getting Owen fed & settled...it seems to be taking a while & some mornings taking a toll. I feel like I'm constantly wiping someone's butt, cleaning up blow outs, taking someone to the potty (even myself, if I'm lucky!), feeding someone, cleaning someone up, feeding another someone, wiping up Barf Boy, getting Owen down for a nap, nagging Liam to eat his breakfast, etc. etc. etc. And when I finally feel settled & have taken a breath and start to think about heading out, I look at the clock & it's like 12:30 or 1pm and I haven't even thought about lunch for Liam. But I sure am thinking about that nap I hope he takes. And that Owen stays asleep for longer than an hour. And we don't end up going anywhere. And the kitchen still isn't cleaned up and the dishwasher still isn't emptied...etc. etc. etc. And maybe I should get myself something to eat.

I'm not really sure how to snap myself out of this though beyond just forcing myself out of the house. Which I do, but I haven't been. And I apologized to Liam for being boring lately & not doing fun things with him & he just said "it's OK, I like my jammies"...so there's that!

But I'm finding that remaining shut in is making me a not so nice Mama. I lose my patience quicker, I raise my voice faster & I turn to the DVR in times of chaos more often. I'm not sure I like this person but I'm not sure how to show them door either. Maybe summer is just heading towards the long side? Maybe when school starts & I have no reason to remain shut in I will get jump started into action? Maybe slowing down sometimes isn't a bad thing?

We don't always have money to spend on an activity or event all the time so I have to pick & choose the places & things that cost versus the ones that are free and I have plenty of options but then factor in the weather and that narrows things down & when things get narrowed down I tend to just do nothing. And that kind of sucks for everyone. I was being pretty good about just getting us going & letting Owen sleep through stuff but now his naps are bumping up against Liam finally being ready to leave & I find myself saying "we'll go after Owen gets up" and that bumps up to lunchtime...you can see where this can lead, right?

I get exhausted just writing this out! Am I trying to do too much? Am I just getting lazy? Am I using money & the weather as excuses? I think the answer is yes to all of those things. But I cannot get out of this cycle & it's driving me a little crazy!

Then you add on all the trips & visitors & parties & babies growing up too quickly & upcoming vacations & spur of the moment trips that fall into our laps thanks to Matias' work...I know that I'm doing enough for my kids. And yet when the longest time we've spent out of the house is a trip to the grocery store or Target, I've got to pause and check myself. Cause I'm just not sure it all adds up like it should.

And then, THEN, I think of mothers I know who do next to nothing with their kids ALL THE TIME and wonder how they get away with that, how the kids don't go crazy or how their guilt doesn't eat away at them...

So anyway...to summarize! I feel stuck & don't know how to fix it. And it's not making me the most bestest Mama I could be. I cannot be the only one who gets like this, can I? How did you snap yourself out of it? And will you come do that for me too, please? THANKS!!

I had a date today.

So we are going through this sometimes not napping phase with Liam & I know we should count ourselves fully lucky for having him nap for as long as he has BUT when he doesn't nap it's hard on everyone. He gets cranky early, I don't get any time away from any kids for the entire day (usually from 6:30am to 9pm & that's longer than any normal 'working' hours, folks)& we tend to get into more fights during those days. No one is happy & no one is happy about no one being not happy, right?

Matias offered to take Liam to the pool when he got off of work & I agreed that would help things all around but when I asked/told Liam that Daddy would take him to the pool his response was not what I expected & it melted the not happy right away.

He said he would rather go with me to the pool alone, to leave Owen with Daddy and he added the extra special, melts in your mouth bonus statement of "because I love you".

The two of got our stuff ready, donned our suits, and our floaties & kissed the other boys goodbye & headed to the pool on our own. This is something we haven't done all summer because of me nursing Owen; we'll typically all go together or just Daddy with Liam (and sometimes Owen)but we haven't gone alone at all. It was a nice treat to have that one-on-one time with him doing something we both enjoy doing and especially because he asked to have me all to himself. Usually when I ask him if he wants to do something with me he chooses to just do it with Daddy and that's fine too cause it gives them one-on-one time but doesn't help with Liam & my situation of not getting along very well all the time...

I was really touched by his suggestion & we did have a great time. I hope we can continue to do things that help us get over our issues & allows us to be friends and get along when we've had a rough time of it.

I just hope he calls me & asks me out again.

Well hello there!

Inspired by Christina to just keep writing about the small, daily, breath-taking things I am intending to revive this flat-lined blog of mine. Amazing, right? I won’t even gloss over the things that have happened in the past YEAR (and 3 months) since I blogged last. I mean, hello, I had a BABY FIVE MONTHS AGO…

1. choose simple goals that will make your life richer and happier on a daily basis. choose things you may not otherwise get done, but that are not difficult to accomplish.

2. do not choose result oriented goals, choose activity oriented goals. for example…. instead of “lose 10 pounds”, choose something like “eat fresh fruits and vegetables every day”. get what i’m saying? positive actions instead of just the end result!

3. choose goals that are personal that you believe will truly make your life richer just by doing them! they can be daily, weekly or one time experiences.

But what I will do is commit to my Four Goals as they pertain to Wee Nino – The Adventures of a Liam Fellow & an Owen Bundle and try to keep this archival aspect of our lives intact.

So here we go…

1. Write or post one item a day. Cheating counts. Cheating equals a simple quote from Liam, a photo with just a caption or a bullet point list of Stuff

2. Photo Bomb the blog once a week with stories about what we did that week

3. Update the boys (cause now I have TWO OF THEM) stats like height, weight, funny quirky things & habits. I cannot stress how awesome it is that I have this for Liam now that I am working on his scrapbook & I have all this minute detail available to me to journal about. I want that for Owen too.

4. Allow myself to not do all of these things but to not give up on the blog completely. I don’t have massive amounts of Free Time these days (HA!) so if I have to play catch up one evening to meet any sort of goal that is OK and Understandable (yes, with a capital U!)