Matias & I woke up one morning a few days after LeRoi had died and we had both decided that we needed to go to the Greek Theater shows. I need to go the shows for two reasons; 1) Sunday's show is LeRoi's bday show & 2) I feel like going to another show this tour will help me. So on Friday morning we are heading out to CA to be with FreakFamily & RealFamily (brother lives in Northern CA) while Nana & Grandpa mind the Fellow for us.
The problem here is that I haven't been able to listen to DMB since Roi passed on that Tuesday. I'm serious. I cannot listen. I don't turn it when it comes on the radio but I bawl through the song. Matias is dealing with this by head-on just listening to anything & everything he can. When I hear him playing his music, I cry.
I know I have to do something about this before we go to the show on Saturday or I will surely be One Hot Mess. I mean, I know it's going to hard and beautiful & healing all at the same time & there will be copious amounts of crying involved anyway but it does not need to be the first time I listen to them.
Matias suggests I listen to the 8.19 show. I'm sure that would be best but I'm not quite sure when or how to go about doing that. I've thought about listening to it on the plane but I'm not quite sure the other passengers would appreciate the Ugly Cry. It's a little complicated to listen & mourn & heal with a two year old around. (I'm not blaming him!) I think what I need to do is get a bottle of wine, head outside (after the Fellow has gone nightnight) turn it on & just Be. It will be ugly, there's no doubt but I guess I'm just a 'pull the bandaid slowly' kind of girl and Saturday would be a 'pull the bandaid hard and fast' kind of night & really, no one needs to witness that. I was almost ready last night but LeNelle wasn't and Matias wasn't home (fixing a friend's computer) and she's in the same boat I am but I thought maybe if we ripped each other's bandaids off it would be best...
So it is obvious that Matias & I mourn differently; and that's such a pleasure to discover, let me tell you. Or maybe, I should listen to Nissan? Roi's last show & I was there...? Yes, thank you, I think that's what I will do. And if time, mental & emotional state allows, maybe I will listen to 8.19.
We are returning on Tuesday with the FellowSitters leaving town on Wednesday so you won't hear from me until towards the end of the week, OK?
1 comment:
Enjoy CA and I hope the DMB shows help you to feel better.
Post a Comment